one hundred beats per minute
by splendidlyimperfect
Summary: Gray's head tells him that falling in love is dangerous, but his heart is a different story entirely.


**rubatosis (n.)  
the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat**

"Did you know," Natsu says, "that your heart can keep beating outside your body?"

Gray tips his head to the side and looks over at Natsu, who is lying on his back in the grass, staring up at the stars. His hands are tucked behind his head, and the soft glow of the lanterns hanging from the trees casts gentle shadows across his face.

"Outside your body?" Gray repeats.

"Mm." Natsu's eyes trace patterns across the constellations.

"Gross," Gray says.

Natsu laughs, and the sound drifts over the crackling of the firepit where Gray is sitting. Tiny orange sparks flicker against the backdrop of the night, spiraling through the air and extinguishing as soon as they hit the ground.

"Hearts are complicated," Natsu adds.

Gray sighs, poking at the fire with a stick and watching the deep orange glow below the burning logs. Complicated is an understatement. Being around Natsu makes Gray's heart do stupid things – things he'd promised he'd never do again after he lost everything.

"C'mere," Natsu says, gesturing to the spot next to him. "I wanna show you something."

Gray hesitates. Everyone else went inside hours ago, and now it's just him and Natsu, alone with the soft sound of the cicadas in the nearby field. Gray's not sure what time it is, but it's late, and he's the kind of tired that usually ends in bad decisions and regret.

"Please?" Natsu says, and Gray's resolve crumbles like ash. He sets the stick down, then pushes himself out of the lawn chair and settles down on the grass next to Natsu. He pulls his knees to his chest and tips his head back, staring up at the sky while he tries to ignore the heat radiating from Natsu's body.

"You see the letter 'w' up there?" Natsu asks, pointing to the constellations. Gray frowns, trying to follow the path of Natsu's finger, but he can't see anything in the scattered lights that flicker through the dark of the sky. "Lie down," Natsu says, nudging Gray with his elbow.

Gray swallows, shifting slowly down until they're lying side-by-side in the grass and he can look down the length of Natsu's arm at the constellations. There, amidst the thousands of stars, Gray picks out the constellation Natsu's talking about.

"That's Cassiopeia," Natsu says, dropping his hand to his stomach. The movement presses his shoulder up against Gray's, and Gray feels his heartbeat pick up, thudding against his chest. "There's a nebula there – in the constellation. It's called the Heart Nebula."

"Yeah?" Gray swallows as Natsu shifts closer to him, resting his knee against Gray's.

"Mm."

Natsu's quiet for a while, and the air around them hangs heavy and warm, filled with something like a promise. Gray's sure that Natsu can hear his heart skip each time they shift together – sixty beats per minute, seventy, eighty, ninety—

"I almost lost my heart," Natsu whispers, and the frantic pounding stills into a light flutter, pulsing in Gray's wrists. He pushes himself up on one elbow as Natsu touches his own chest, fingers resting just over his collarbone.

"What do you mean?" Gray asks.

Natsu's hand moves to the buttons of his shirt and he undoes them slowly, nudging the fabric aside. "Here," he says, and he takes Gray's hand, placing it over the long, white scar that runs vertically down his chest. "It was before we met," Natsu says. Gray's hand trembles against his skin.

"What happened?"

"It was broken," Natsu says simply. "But they fixed it." He looks up at Gray, and Gray's pretty sure that Natsu sees right through him – past the uncertainty, right to the unsteady thrumming of his heart.

Gray slowly moves his hand, running his fingers up Natsu's bare chest until his thumb rests in the hollow of Natsu's throat. Natsu doesn't look away.

Gray promised himself a long time ago that he wouldn't fall again; that he'd keep his heart protected because if he never gave it away, nobody could break it. It's already cracked and fractured, barely holding itself together after years and years of grief. He's not sure it can take any more hurt.

But Natsu's pulse is thrumming under his fingertips, quick and alive, even after being torn apart.

"It's okay," Natsu says, right before Gray leans down and kisses him.

* * *

They end up tangled together in the grass, shirts thrown aside, bare chests pressed together as they kiss and touch and feel each other's heartbeats. The fear that Gray was sure would take over is pushed aside for something much more thrilling and hopeful.

Right now, he isn't scared.

Right now, they aren't broken.

Right now, they're just two brave hearts amongst billions, beating together under the stars.


End file.
